Sober Sis Blog

Written By Jenn Kautsch

Why You’re So Tired (It Might Not Be What You Think)

What if the thing you’ve been reaching for to relax is actually the reason you feel so exhausted?

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how many women tell me they’re tired. Not “I stayed up too late watching Netflix” tired. Not “I have little kids” tired. Not “I’m over 50” kind of tired.

I’m talking about the kind of tired that settles deep into your bones. The kind where you wake up in the morning already looking forward to getting back into bed that night. The kind where you need coffee just to feel halfway human, another cup around lunchtime to make it through the afternoon, and then by five o’clock you’re wondering why you’re completely wiped out... again.

For years, I thought that was just part of being an adult.

I blamed my busy schedule. I blamed hormones. I blamed stress. I blamed getting older. Honestly, I blamed everything except the one thing I was doing almost every evening without thinking twice about it.

Looking back, I can see that I was unintentionally creating a cycle I didn’t even know existed. I’d spend the day feeling depleted, and by evening all I wanted was a little relief. A glass of wine felt like the reward I’d earned for making it through another busy day. It helped me exhale. It helped me stop thinking for a little while. Or at least I thought it did. Then I’d wake up the next morning feeling sluggish, anxious, and somehow still exhausted. So I’d push through the day, count down to wine o’clock, and do it all over again. It felt normal because it had become normal.

The crazy part is that I genuinely believed the wine was helping me rest.

Maybe you’ve thought that too.

If someone had asked me years ago why I drank in the evenings, one of my answers would’ve been, “It helps me wind down and even fall asleep.” I wasn’t trying to party. I wasn’t looking to get drunk. I simply wanted my busy brain to slow down. I wanted the noise to stop. I wanted to sink into the couch, watch “my show”, and drift off without carrying the weight of the day into bed with me.

The thing I didn’t understand was that falling asleep and getting restorative sleep are two completely different things.

Alcohol can absolutely make you sleepy. That’s why so many of us believe it’s helping. But sleepy isn’t the same thing as restored. One simply helps you lose consciousness for a while. The other gives your brain and body the deep recovery they’ve been craving all day long. Once I started learning what alcohol actually does to our sleep quality, so many pieces of my own story finally started making sense.

Have you ever noticed that you fall asleep quickly after drinking, only to wake up around three o’clock in the morning with your mind racing? I used to think something was wrong with me. I’d stare at the ceiling replaying conversations, worrying about tomorrow, feeling anxious for no apparent reason. Now I know there was a reason. Alcohol had disrupted the very sleep my body needed most. My nervous system was working while I thought it was resting. My body was trying to regain balance instead of repairing itself. No wonder I woke up feeling like I had never really slept.

One of the things I share in the workshop is something I wish someone had told me years ago: alcohol creates an energy debt. I love thinking about it this way because it helps me picture what’s actually happening. Imagine your energy as a bank account. Every healthy habit makes a deposit. A walk outside. Nourishing food. Good sleep. Meaningful conversation. Time with God. Those things slowly fill the account. Alcohol, on the other hand, makes a withdrawal. It gives the illusion of relief tonight, but tomorrow morning you’re paying interest. I spent years borrowing energy from the next day without realizing it.

No wonder I felt so depleted.

And here’s where I want to pause for just a second because this matters.

I don’t think most women are lazy.

I don’t think we’re weak.

I don’t think we lack discipline.

I think we’re exhausted.

We’ve been carrying families, careers, aging parents, calendars, responsibilities, relationships, expectations, and then wondering why we don’t have anything left for ourselves. When we finally sit down at the end of the day, of course relief sounds appealing. Of course our brains start looking for the fastest way to exhale. Mine certainly did.

But somewhere along this journey I learned something that has stayed with me ever since.

Relief is not the same as restoration.

I say that all the time now because I need the reminder just as much as anyone else. Relief is usually quick. It changes how we feel for a little while. Restoration is slower. It’s quieter. It asks us to trust that something good is happening even when we can’t immediately feel it. Alcohol gave me relief. Sleep, eating healthy, movement, prayer, connection, and slowing down... those things began giving me restoration.

There’s such a difference.

One leaves you needing more.

The other leaves you becoming more.

One of my favorite parts of this alcohol-free journey has been watching my energy slowly come back. It wasn’t overnight. I wish I could tell you I woke up after one week feeling like Wonder Woman, but that’s not how healing usually works. My body had a lot of catching up to do. But little by little I noticed things changing. I wasn’t dragging myself through every afternoon. I wasn’t relying on caffeine quite as much. My patience came back. My brain felt clearer. I laughed more easily. I had more margin emotionally for the people I love. It wasn’t just that I stopped drinking. It was that I finally started recovering.

And that’s a very different thing.

Sometimes women ask me if the 21 Day Reset is just about taking a break from alcohol.

Not really.

It’s about giving your body enough time to remember what it’s capable of.

It’s about letting your brain experience real sleep again and allowing your nervous system to take a deep breath.

It’s about discovering that the thing you’ve been looking for every evening may have been available all along.

So if you’re feeling tired today... really tired... can I encourage you not to assume that’s simply who you are now?

Maybe your body isn’t looking for another cup of coffee.

Maybe it isn’t asking for another glass of wine.

Maybe it’s asking for restoration.

And Sis, that’s exactly what I hope you find.

💛

Keep going and growing,

Jenn

P.S.

This is exactly why I created the 21 Day Reset Challenge. It’s not about proving how much willpower you have. It’s about giving your mind and body enough space to recover, reset, and remember what feeling good actually feels like. We walk through it together, one day at a time, with practical tools, daily encouragement, and a whole community of women cheering you on. If you’re ready to stop borrowing energy from tomorrow and start feeling like yourself again, I’d love for you to join us.