Sober Sis Blog

Written By Jenn Kautsch

The Three P's That Changed Every Gathering for Me

I used to think it was about having more willpower. Turns out, it was something entirely different.

There are certain questions I can almost predict I’ll get this time of year.

“Jenn... what do you do at the lake now?” “Do you still enjoy vacations?” “What about girls’ weekends?” “How do you celebrate birthdays?” Sometimes it’s the Fourth of July. Sometimes it’s Thanksgiving. Sometimes it’s somebody’s anniversary or a neighborhood barbecue. The holiday changes, but underneath the question is almost always the same fear: Will be as much fun? Or maybe an even deeper one... What if everyone else has fun and I don’t?

I always smile because I know exactly where that question comes from. Ten years ago, I wouldn’t have been asking whether alcohol was going to be there. I would’ve assumed it was. In fact, I probably would’ve been wondering who was bringing what. Is somebody making margaritas? Are we doing wine? Should I stop and grab another bottle on the way? It all felt so... normal. I never questioned it because everybody around me seemed to be doing the exact same thing. Somewhere along the way, alcohol quietly became another guest at every celebration. Not invited exactly... just expected.

The funny thing is, I don’t think I was really planning drinks. I was planning comfort. I was planning connection or celebration. I was planning relief. And I honestly thought alcohol was responsible for all of those things.

We’re Being Sold a Lie

You know what’s funny? I was a marketing major in college, and somehow I still fell for one of the greatest marketing campaigns of all time. Because alcohol companies aren’t really selling alcohol. They’re selling sunsets. They’re selling girls’ weekends. They’re selling the cabin at the lake with your friends laughing on the dock. They’re selling Christmas by the fire. They’re selling romance on vacation. They’re selling confidence before the dinner party. They’re selling the idea that alcohol is the secret ingredient to a meaningful life.

The truth? The experience was always meaningful because of the people in it.

Somewhere along the way, I stopped giving the people credit and started giving the wine credit. Maybe you’ve done that too.

Sometimes, I think about us all as little boys and girls. Picture yourself when you were eight years old. My childhood involved jumping on trampolines, riding bicycles, running through sprinklers, popsicles melting faster than I could eat them, and laughing until my stomach hurt. Nobody had to hand us a drink to make that afternoon memorable. We didn’t need a margarita beside the pool. We didn’t need champagne to celebrate a birthday. We didn’t need wine around the campfire to have deep conversations with our friends. We already knew how to enjoy life. We already knew how to celebrate. We already knew how to connect.

Somewhere between childhood and adulthood, somebody handed us a different story. Not all at once, but little by little. Commercial by commercial. Movie by movie. Girls’ trip by girls’ trip. Until eventually we stopped asking whether alcohol belonged there and simply assumed it did.

Looking back, I don’t think I was craving alcohol nearly as much as I was craving what I believed alcohol promised me. I wanted to exhale. I wanted to relax. I wanted to feel included. I wanted permission to stop carrying everything for a while. The wine just became the shortcut. But shortcuts usually have a price tag attached. Mine was waking up tired, anxious, disconnected, trying to remember conversations that I wanted to remember, and wondering why something I’d been looking forward to had left me feeling so... empty.

One day I realized I’d been asking myself the wrong question. The question wasn’t, ”Can I make it through this party without drinking?” The better question was, ”What am I actually looking for tonight?” Because if what I really wanted was connection, alcohol wasn’t helping me connect. If what I really wanted was peace, alcohol wasn’t giving me peace. If what I really wanted was celebration, why was I spending half of the next day recovering from it? Those are different questions. And different questions tend to lead to different lives.

The Three Ps

People often ask me what finally changed. Honestly, it wasn’t some dramatic rock-bottom moment. It wasn’t suddenly becoming stronger. It wasn’t waking up with superhuman willpower. It was making a few quiet decisions before I ever left the house.

For years I thought I needed more discipline. What I actually needed was a plan.

Because here’s what I learned: if I waited until someone handed me a drink to decide whether I was drinking, I’d already made the decision much harder. I was asking my tired, emotional, people-pleasing brain to make an important choice in the middle of the moment. That’s not where our best decisions happen.

Today I still go to birthday parties. I still go on vacations. I still celebrate weddings, holidays, and girls’ weekends. I just show up differently. And it all comes back to three simple practices that have served me over and over again.

P #1: Pre-Decide

Before I ever leave the house, I decide what kind of night I want to have.

Not what everyone else is doing.

Not what I hope I’ll do if I’m feeling strong.

What I want.

Am I drinking tonight? What am I ordering instead? How do I want to feel when my head hits the pillow tonight?

Making that decision ahead of time removes so much of the mental tug-of-war because I’m no longer negotiating with myself every twenty minutes. I’m not replaying the same conversation over and over in my head. The decision has already been made, and that frees me up to actually enjoy the people I’m with instead of spending the evening debating with myself.

P #2: Pre-Plan

This one sounds simple, but it’s been one of the biggest game changers for me.

I bring something I genuinely enjoy drinking. If I’m going to someone’s house, I toss a few alcohol-free options into a cooler. If I’m going to a restaurant, I look at the menu beforehand. I even think through how I’ll respond if someone offers me a drink.

Not because I’m expecting an interrogation.

Because confidence grows when we’re prepared.

I used to think planning ahead meant I was being overly cautious. Now I think it’s one of the kindest things I can do for myself. Future Jenn is always thankful that Present Jenn took a few minutes to think ahead.

P #3: Play the Movie Forward

This is the one you’ve probably heard me talk about the most because I still use it all the time.

When my brain starts romanticizing that first drink, I don’t stop the movie after the first sip.

I keep watching and mentally playing it forward.

I picture tomorrow morning.

How do I want to wake up?

Do I want to remember every conversation?

Will I enjoy my coffee without regret from the night before?

Can I feel proud of the choices I made?

Or do I want to spend the morning recovering from chasing a buzz that only lasted twenty or thirty minutes?

Playing the movie forward reminds me that I’m not choosing between fun and no fun.

I’m choosing between two completely different tomorrows.

That simple shift has changed countless decisions over the years.

What I Was Really Looking For

Now, almost ten years later, I can honestly tell you something I’ve never once said after a birthday, a vacation, a wedding, a girls’ weekend, or an ordinary Friday night:

”I wish I would’ve had those drinks.”

Never.

I’ve regretted drinking.

I’ve never regretted not drinking.

And I think that’s because what I was searching for all those years was never actually inside the glass. It was in the conversation. The laughter. The sunset. The music. The people I love. The memories I could actually remember the next morning. Turns out, alcohol wasn’t creating those moments. It was just taking the credit for them.

So if you’ve got a holiday coming up, or a vacation circled on the calendar, or simply another Friday evening waiting for you after a long week, can I encourage you to remember the Three Ps?

● Pre-Decide.

● Pre-Plan.

● Play the Movie Forward.

They’re simple. They’re practical. And they’ve changed everything for me.

Maybe they’ll change something for you, too.

💛

Keep going and growing,

Jenn

P.S.

If this resonates with you, the Happy Hour Survival Guide is the perfect place to start. I created it for women who are curious about taking a break from alcohol but aren't sure what to do when 5 o'clock rolls around. Inside, I'll walk you through my 5 simple strategies to help you skip the alcohol tonight with confidence.